This is quite a long read and something I haven’t been ready to share until now, so please be respectful in the comments as it is probably one of the most real posts I have put on here. However, I feel like it’s time because I know someone out there needs to hear this right now and it may save someone’s life.
If you’re in an abusive relationship, I want you to know how quickly things can escalate. If they tell you they’re going to hurt you… Please, believe them.
It doesn’t start with fists. It starts with words. Little comments. Jokes that aren’t funny. Remarks that slowly chip away at your self-worth and confidence. Then come the projections — their insecurities, their pain — all thrown onto you.
Before you even realise it, you’ve become their emotional, mental, and eventually physical punching bag. They will turn you from the most confident, self-assured, strong person into a complete shell of a person and someone who feels shattered into a million pieces.
Looking back at the pictures makes me feel physically sick. The woman that I was broke down to in that relationship is unrecognisable to the woman writing this now- strong, standing in her power, raising awareness, and healing out LOUD (because staying silent almost took my life).
I wish I could go back to that 20-year-old girl, wrap my arms around her, and give her the biggest hug, while whispering:
“In just five years, you’ll have…
-An amazing little boy who fills your heart with so much joy
– A peaceful home, full of love and safety
– The career you always dreamed of
– A life filled with unconditional love and abundance
– Beautiful relationships and real opportunities”
But I’d also tell her this:
If you don’t leave sooner, it will escalate, and you will be unrecognisable and completely lost.
I truly mean that. I was pregnant. Trapped. Isolated. Suicidal. Scared. Hurting.
Every day felt like a living hell and I genuinely didn’t think I’d make it out.
After every incident — the screaming, the rage, the outbursts, the belittling, the humiliation, the gaslighting, the awful things that were said, the name-calling, the slammed doors, the smashed-up house, throwing things at me, the fists through walls right next to my head — I’d tell myself: “If he ever lays a hand on me, I’ll leave.”
I didn’t think he ever would… until he did.
It started with shoving then escalated to kicking me, spitting in my face, pinning me down, punching me, pushing me around the house, pushing me onto the floor, not letting me out of the room, smashing my phone and putting it down the toilet. It was torture every single day. I was pregnant and postpartum, and was accused of the most outrageous things, other women constantly dangled in my face to make me feel insecure, jealous or less than I was.
He once looked me dead in the eyes after I told him how I felt and he said, “I’ll make you more depressed.”… And he did far worse than that. I didn’t want to be here anymore. He made life feel like it wasn’t worth living. I was in constant despair and heartbreak, I felt so lonely, so broken. I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the day.
But thankfully, my son kept me going. He was and still is my light. My safety. My reason. My why. My EVERYTHING. And yet, I carried so much guilt. I had created and birthed this amazing little boy — but I was sat on the stairs every day, crying my soul out, wishing it was all just a nightmare that I could wake up from and hoping someone would hug me telling me everything would be okay.
The final straw? Being left stranded in the middle of nowhere after being assaulted, spat on, my phone smashed to pieces, while he drove off with my baby in the car. I had no money. No phone. I had to flag down cars and run under a pitch-black motorway bridge, terrified for my life — desperate to find a way home to get my baby back so I could breastfeed him.
That was the moment I asked for help. I reached out to refuge as I became homeless. Broken. Left with absolutely nothing but my baby. I entered women’s refuge shortly after and stayed there for a year. Whilst there I navigated the justice system and got him a suspended sentence unfortunately he didn’t go to prison. So yes, that means other women are still unprotected from his abuse.
But I made a promise that day — and I’m keeping it now:
I will never stay silent again.
I will keep sharing my story.
I will keep shining a light on the kind of abuse that goes on behind closed doors.
I will keep speaking up — until those doors are kicked WIDE open.
And if you’re reading this wondering, “Why didn’t she just leave?”
Ask yourself this:
Would you feel safe walking away from someone who physically harmed you while you were pregnant? How would you escape if they coerced you into quitting your job so you had no money of your own? Where would you go if they isolated you from every friend and family member?
It’s not “just leaving”. It’s SURVIVING.
We live in constant fight-or-flight.
We are terrified of what will happen if we try to escape. So if you don’t understand that, this post isn’t for you.
This post is for the ones who need hope, still in an abusive relationship, slowly losing themselves and feeling like they are going crazy.
Those that need it please let this be your sign:
There is life after abuse.
There is freedom.
There is healing.
There is a way out.
There is peace and happiness.
But first, you have to make a promise to yourself — that no matter how hard it gets, you will not give them any more of your power. You have to get out.
Commit to leaving.
Make a safety plan.
Block them.
Change your number.
Cut ties with their friends and family.
Remove anything that reminds you of them.
Surround yourself with people who care.
Reach out for help.
Don’t be silenced.
You deserve to be safe and to feel at peace. You deserve to actually live and be happy. Just know that you are not crazy and you are not alone. There are people who care about you and want you to be safe and happy. I want you to be safe and happy.
This post is especially for you to show you that there is light at the end of the tunnel and I promise you that it will get easier. Yes it will be hard leaving but you will eventually get your sparkle back and I promise you that being free from them is even better than you can even imagine. Stay strong and remember to take it one day at a time, you have got this 💜